Resilience

Every week I sit across from a parent, a relative, a foster mom or social worker who wonders aloud if the child they are caring for will recover from the physical or sexual abuse they have experienced. It is a tag line of mine to parents and caregivers that "children are resilient." I don't think I could do my job if I didn't truly believe that children could recover from the horrible things that adults do to them. Still, I am amazed and humbled when I see evidence of it in its many forms. So what does relilience look like? We often think of resilience as the end result of a fully "healed" child. It is present, however, even in the midst of their deepest struggle.

Resilience is the teenager who spends an entire session...or many sessions...in stoney silence with arms crossed. The message I take from her is, "I know how to set my boundaries with you even though I've never been safe enough to set boundaries before." I might be the first person in a long time who has taken her "NO" at face value and honored it.

Resilience is in the child who comes to my therapy session with a picture for me that says, "I am happy on Tuesdays because I see my counselor." What I read when I see this picture is a little boy who is saying, "I've decided trust someone again, even though it has cost me dearly in the past." He has given me the opportunity to teach him how to trust and still protect himself in the future.

Resilience is the little girl who pretends she is a superhero when she hears her parents fighting. She is telling me, "I know there is a better place inside of me to wait out this storm." I will get the opportunity to show her that she won't always have to hide the depths of her imagination to feel secure.

Resilience is the adolescent boy who says, "I've been angry for 8 years, but I can't let it out yet because it would all just explode". Even in his hesitation, he has given acknowledgement to his emotion. It will be my wish to show him that his anger is justifiable.

Resilience is every child who sits across from me and dares to share the secret of their hurt.